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EAT YOUR OWN

by Delaire the Liar

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1.
NO ENTRY 02:01
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How do you know if your kid’s at risk? How do you notice? If they want, so bad, to be somewhere else that they finally kill themselves. I couldn’t see the signs dressed in red and white. I couldn’t recognise how hard it had been, just to keep yourself alive. No entry, it’s still a crime. I tried to listen, you couldn’t lie. No entry, it’s not your time. and even if I intervene, will you ever change your mind? No entry, no sacrifice. You planned your exits, and I hid mine. If your god is gracious, the lord is kind? Then who was telling you to take your own life.
2.
FURNACE 03:07
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Are you hurting? Are you cursive? Where’s your mercy? Are you drunk? I followed the trail of your blood I watched the room go up you smell like petrol and the phone lines are cut the curtains are burning and all that I see is your body hiding from me Are you hurting? Are you cursive? Where’s your mercy? Are you drunk? I followed the trail of your blood Would you treat yourself the way you treat everyone you love? Haven’t you suffered enough? the ceremony kick the door in break the hinges I’ve been practising all of my stitches. screaming out your name but you’re never listening. sedentary, while you handcuff yourself to your seat you say it’s the best and you won’t hurt anybody else choking as you swallow the key Are you hurting? Are you cursive? Where’s your mercy? Are you drunk? I followed the trail of your blood Would you treat yourself the way you treat everyone you love? Haven’t you suffered enough? I won’t be leaving quietly after the way you’ve spoken to me come down from the balcony your kindness, you’ve earned it but your body a furnace I won’t let you burn in it. Are you hurting? Are you cursive? Where’s your mercy? Are you drunk? I followed the trail of your blood Would you treat yourself the way you treat everyone you love? Haven’t you suffered enough? Have you hurt enough?
3.
NO THANKS 03:15
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I felt pretty scared, you, crying halfway up the stairs your hands look pretty red, and I don’t think it’s fair I don’t think it speaks, any differently from the sirens calling for you from the street get off me. I’ve been careless, with my confidence pulling out my hair and still lying to my parents. I had it all and I kept it for myself You made me promise, but I can’t keep that as well. This is why I hate your help, this is why I can’t trust anybody else telling me to keep the cut clean cauterise it if you need but there won’t be any other chance please don’t leave me by myself. Watching as it starves, hanging from the arms giving it an inch will end up giving you a scar it’s only fun until somebody gets hurt so who’s gonna stick the knife in first. This is why I hate your help, but this is why I can’t trust anybody else always telling me to keep the cut clean cauterise it if you need but there won’t be any other chance please don’t leave me by myself. it looks painful, to know that you’re capable of caring for everyone else but sparing yourself that same act of kindness your chemicals work with violence. this is why I hate your help this is why I can’t trust anybody else. This is why I hate your help, but this is why I can’t trust anybody else always telling me to keep the cut clean cauterise it if you need but there won’t be any other chance please don’t leave me by myself.
4.
HALLOWEEN 03:00
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So are you asking me, why I look so thin? I’m sure it’s coming from somewhere warm but there’s panic in your handwriting. I can hear it when you speak, desperate and quietly. (are you gonna say it to me) chained me to the headboard but the wood is splintering breathing in blood like oxygen. I tried to believe every Halloween that if I gave enough, paid in blood I’d have you back for good. So I let it bleed I would trade anything you can take my life instead ‘cause I hear hell ain’t all that bad. I heard the front door ringing I heard the bell crack when it fell from the ceiling I felt the church collapse but the whole damn choir kept singing from the back. So we are here to say what a shame (what would you say about me?) the only thing I ever learned about luck was the lack thereof. and the crowd ran rings around the cenotaph laying down wreaths made of barbed wire and broken glass there’s blood on the contract there’s a burning in the forecast. I tried to believe every Halloween that if I gave enough, paid in blood I’d have you back for good. So I let it bleed I would trade anything you can take my life instead ‘cause I hear hell ain’t all that bad. So we are here to say what a shame, what a life it could’ve been. So we are here to say what a shame take my life instead I’m undeserving. I tried to believe every Halloween that if I gave enough, paid in blood I’d have you back for good. So I let it bleed I would trade anything you can take my life instead ‘cause I hear hell ain’t all that bad.
5.
NO ACCIDENT 03:26
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You know me more than I care to admit, you called the ambulance when I didn’t want it Practising patience, just kept me nervous ‘cause I think your accident happened on purpose. I still have a hand to hold, You still have blood on your clothes You only want the best for everyone else but darling no one else comes close. And all the ways, you ruin my day you say how much you hate the one who made you this way And all the ways, I heard you explain how no one could ever want someone so vain. If that’s the case, why did I stay? I can stand by the bedside of your hospital room or I can guard the door until you tell me not to. I can only give as much as you’re willing to take I can burn down the church and build a statue in its place My house of worship your name in cursive I’ll chain myself to its base. And all the ways you feel so ashamed for how you look and who you fuck you just can’t seem to shake And all the ways, you said my name torture myself thinking I won’t catch you saying it again. say it again. You picked me up when I was starving I only got better under your arm and I know you were terrified but look where we hare, I had my surgery but you got the scars. All I know is that if all I had to offer was to suffer in your place, I’d bury myself the same day.
6.
DOG 02:51
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So, is this your commentary? Say it again, but use my name say it again but to your daughters face say it again with a brick between your teeth So, do you see it differently? Have you seen the way she holds her keys? Did you let her speak? Or was that the hammer at the end of your court case letting you leave. If you want it, then take it from me. You’re on the wrong end of an emergency I’ve got your blood dripping off my teeth boys like you should be afraid of me. I am not your friend. I know exactly what you’re reaching for but you can’t have everything. Again, I am not your friend. I’ll make you cry at the alter, burn at the stake if you’re scared, well you should be. So safe in your own body, flicking your switchblade tongue in your cheek. All that you have deserves to be buried and I’ll set fire to the cemetery. Grab him by the neck with both hands. explain to him the only way he understands punishment, politics, the taste of your spit. Pull him by the hair and hang him from it. I am not your friend. I won’t tell you again I know exactly what you’re reaching for but you can’t have everything Again. I am not your friend. I’ll make you cry at the alter, burn at the stake are you scared? ‘Cause you should be. so which one leaves? The hand you bite, or the one that feeds. Tight on your neck when you want to speak but dogs like you should be kept on their lead. why don’t you try and bite me? I’m not your friend.

credits

released December 10, 2021

Written by Ffinlo Colley, Emily Lodge, Charles Tomlinson, Hannah Watts
Performed by Delaire The Liar
Mastered by Lewis Johns

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Delaire the Liar London, UK

Ffin and Em and Chaz and Hanny

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