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Imposter Syndrome

by Happy.

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1.
They say this city never sleeps well that makes two of us Barely back on my feet Just as they start to run But I don’t really know What I did that’s making my head so sick But I know what’s coming for me So wrap your hands around my throat And swear you’ll never let me go Started losing my teeth I’ve got a guilty conscience They fall out when i dream Need to clean out my closet But take another look Just a glance Doubled down on a second chance Ride or die for the rest of our lives So wrap your hands around my throat And swear you’ll never let me go.
2.
Skip to false intentions Lying through perfect teeth Awfully underrated Wouldn’t you like to think Keep it simple Practice what you preach Rinse, repeat Scared to death of something That’s just slightly out of reach Thought you knew me better But you didn’t I hate to disappoint with Poor decisions Made in retrospect I bet you never would have guessed This end So love or leave These are my two choices A whisper war to drown out all the noises Play russian roulette Your gun is loaded, kill me dead Don’t pretend The evidence was only in your head Caught red handed I’ve got nothing I’m out of lines Underestimated the way that this Would feel inside Aware of the consequence Still don’t really give a shit This might be forward But i’m fresh out of forgiveness Thought you knew me better But you didn’t I hate to disappoint with Poor decisions Made it retrospect I bet you never would have guessed This end So love or leave These are my two choices A whisper war to drown out all the noises Play russian roulette Your gun is loaded, kill me dead Don’t pretend The evidence was only in your head.
3.
Hooky 03:03
Making love before You have to leave for work This early morning sex is Gonna make you late So call me when you get there Tell me you made it safe And I’ll be right here smelling Like your skin all day What’s the chance you play hookie And stay right here with me I’ll take my time Spinning around the clock with you I can’t deny I’d rather spend our afternoon Sleeping in With nowhere to be Wasting daylight Let’s lay in this bed all day baby Kissing in the kitchen You taste like honey, love Arms are wrapped around your waist You crack a smile Say you wanna shower Now we’re both naked Thank god our hot water Lasts for a good while I’ll take my time Spinning around the clock with you I can’t deny I’d rather spend our afternoon Sleeping in With nowhere to be Wasting daylight Let’s lay in this bed all day baby.
4.
LiarLiar 03:07
I’m feeling like a stranger in my own head Unrecognizing the symptoms of timing and patterns that I should have read Six days into November I’m so overwhelmed Can’t get out of the bed and I’m back on my meds What’s wrong with me Not this again When will I accept that the sickness in me is treatable? All I have to do is put in the work and take the pills Sounds so easy but I’m tired Of all the things they call me, on paper I’m manic depressive Waiting for my upswing, the low this time is quite impressive Faking me is easy Cause I’m a good liar I don’t think it count if I only left the house for smokes I should eat soon but I’m all out of food Wasted all of my money, I’m broke But we could get high enough to convince ourselves That we are more that just what they tell us we are We are more than just two empty shells When will I accept that the sickness in me is treatable? All I have to do is put in the work and take the pills Sounds so easy but I’m tired Of all the things they call me, on paper I’m manic depressive Waiting for my upswing, the low this time is quite impressive Faking me is easy Cause I’m a good liar.
5.
Dull Boy 03:27
There’s a chance of rain This coming Saturday But I got this six pack in my car If you wanna go anyway Heard you got a new tattoo That’s got nothing to do with you It’s a lyric from the band that you met last week So I guess it’s cool Another round of drinks They think my ID’s fake But we all got in with no problems It was almost more than I could take Got my suitcase back home One day I’ll pack it and I’ll hit the road See all there is to see Wanna come with me Bring some records and we’ll go All work no play Jack’s a dull boy every day Watching his life slip away But my friends and me Gave it all up for a maybe I think you could do the same Get a nine to five That’s how you’ll survive Sophisticated, overrated Perfect in their eyes But we sold our souls For rock and roll All night drives and staying half high And always being broke All work no play Jack’s a dull boy every day Watching his life slip away But my friends and me Gave it all up for a maybe I think you could do the same The last four years have kicked my ass Trying to balance my band with class Paying bills and making paychecks last But there’s something to be said For singing these songs with my friends Wall to wall in a basement All work no play Jack’s a dull boy every day Watching his life slip away But my friends and me Gave it all up for a maybe I think you could do the same So do you want to scream your lungs out In a parking lot Fall asleep on hardwood floors Hang out and smoke on your rooftop We could even get a bit too sentimental Like how I’ll never run out of reasons to Spend my time with you.
6.
I know now what I should have said Cause it plays over and over and over In the back of my head Accept the condition I don’t have a choice So for now it’s always background noise No, it’s not about me But do it for my sake Just need the closure To spare me some heartache Say you’ll be alright Say you’ll be okay I know now what I should have done Cause I beat myself up about it Count down from one hundred to one Take a deep breath in Or lay on the floor So for now don’t expect anything more No, it’s not about me But do it for my sake Just need the closure To spare me some heartache Say you’ll be alright Say you’ll be okay You can take it out on me I know who you are underneath We can carry all this weight together Can you see the light At the end on the other side By the time you hear this song Things will be better No, it’s not about me But do it for my sake Just need the closure To spare me some heartache No, it’s not about me But do it for my sake Just need the closure To spare me some heartache Say you’ll be alright Say you’ll be okay Say you’ll be okay.
7.
I don’t like parties Unless it’s Halloween Dress up like someone else Someone that isn’t me Watch me digress To a familiar place If it works it works So why risk changing up the pace I’ve gotten so good At letting myself down That when things are well and I’m feeling fine It kinda freaks me out I know just what to say Know just how much to give If I come too clean will it fit the narrative All I do lately is hang around Make plans just to cancel them And stay at the house Chill in the basement Watch old DVDs Play Nintendo 64 until my fingers bleed And on the drive home I can’t help but think about How I wouldn’t change a single thing About the here and now Pull up to the stoplight And I watch time freeze Hope I remember this when my hair’s gray And my knees are weak Strike match now baby Let’s burn it down Wash all the blood off of our hands As we escape the crowd And I’ve been thinking maybe I want more than this Does it scare you to think There’s more than lust there When we kiss My head’s so hazy I built walls around myself It’s toxic, if it’s lost Can it still be found So take me somewhere Where we can be alone Lock all the doors and Unplug all the phones The timing could not be worse Of that I’m well aware But your lips have a way of reminding me That good things come in pairs So take your time with me I swear I’ll do my best Bury all my insecurities Inside your neck If I could breathe you in For just one more second I’ll remember why i always try To try and try again Roll over to face you And I watch time freeze Know I’ll remember this when my hair’s gray And my knees are weak.
8.
Raise a glass to my regrets Take me back to when we met Take this as a compliment We will fake our own deaths and forget I know it’s not up to you So just drown me in solitude Wake me up when it’s all better Tell me that we will be together Call me out on my confusion Magnify my dissolution Separate me from my mistakes Retrace my steps back to that day But you'll never hear your favorite band’s final album Or the story of how we travelled to Virginia and got tattoos for you I hope you hear me every single time I say your name And I'll tell my kids about you This living room feels like September Close my eyes and I remember Afternoons in that garage Glasses, crewneck, shaved haircut I know that it’s been two years So I'll just have another beer This box full of your possessions Is the root of my depression But it’s okay because I forgive you Even after all you put me through I just miss you But you'll never hear your favorite band’s final album Or the story of how we travelled to Virginia and got tattoos for you I hope you hear me every single time I say your name And I'll tell my kids about you.
9.
June Gloom 03:36
You’ve been sleeping on your side With your back to me at night I’ve noticed these last few weeks I just haven’t said anything But it’s clear More than obvious to me That we’re expiring I never know what you want It looks like I’m all out of luck You say it’s over You’re calling it quits You’re moving out Packed up all your shit You’re leaving now And not thinking twice about it But jokes on you Cause I know that this is a bluff You want me to beg But I’ve had enough Catch ya on flip side Girl I’m done So what do you want me to say When we fight like this every day I’ve heard it all before Every time you walk out the door So don’t act like this is the first time You’ve played games with my mind I’m tired of losing sleep Wondering if you’re mine to keep You say it’s over You’re calling it quits You’re moving out Packed up all your shit You’re leaving now And not thinking twice about it But jokes on you Cause I know that this is a bluff You want me to beg But I’ve had enough Catch ya on flip side Girl I’m done With all the ways you fucked me over Wore me out broke me down Made me lose my composure What a price to pay for time lost And I can’t afford how much it costs.
10.
I’m so sorry that your will has been broken We fell asleep with the windows open Cause keeping this apartment cool Is expensive Some day our lives will be admired But I know right now Your body is tired From working every day to barely even make Enough to pay the bills One day at a time now honey And I wish that we had more money To take some weight off of your shoulders When we’re older I swear We’ll have it made I wanna give you a picket fence and a Nice house to raise our kids and a Piece of mind to relieve your stress But all you ever ask for is my best Take a gamble on a brand new city And pray to god that things will be less shitty Said to goodbye to all our friends and family But winter’s coming and we love cold weather Got decent jobs and things are getting better Who knew twenty-three Would demand so much from me It’s exhausting One day at a time now honey And I wish that we had more money To take some weight off of your shoulders When we’re older I swear We’ll have it made I wanna give you a picket fence and a Nice house to raise our kids and a Piece of mind to relieve your stress But all you ever ask for is my best I’ll be yours til everything goes dark They’ll bury us together if they’re smart Bodies intertwined like ancient art Cause we’ve never slept six feet apart.

about

Imposter Syndrome is defined as “A collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. 'Impostors' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.”

The narrative through the songs on this album touch on all the effects Imposter Syndrome has on us as artists. From depression, to anxiety, to addiction, to relationships with friends, family and partners. The subject matter on this record is mostly a darker reflection of these emotions disguised in upbeat pop songs to make the message more digestible for the outside ear.

credits

released October 30, 2020

Written & performed by Happy.
Produced by Marc McClusky
Mastered by Kris Crummet

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Rude Records Milan, Italy

Independent Record Label.

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