1. |
Petrifaction
04:01
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I have an obsession.
One unlike yours of your complexion,
But there’s a blemish beneath my skull
that I must conceal,
Before it takes me in like a tidal wave,
And I feel like everyone around me is sailing,
Along the smoothest seas but I’m failing,
To find a way to the shore.
I guess I’m sinking here all alone in your absence.
Why does everything that I touch turn to stone?
I’ll keep my hands to myself in the
future to keep you closer to me.
I guess I’m sinking here all alone in your absence.
And oh did I mention,
I’m calloused from every kind of rejection,
But there’s a blemish beneath my skull
that I still feel.
I’m sure it makes me out to be something that I’m not.
Now all the people that surround me are saying:
“We miss the way you were”.
Now I’m praying that I can find my way to the shore,
I’ll turn the past to the present alone in your absence.
I have an obsession.
One unlike yours of your complexion,
But there’s a blemish beneath my skull that I must conceal,
Before it takes me in like a tidal wave.
I’m sinking here all alone in your absence.
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2. |
Malignance
03:52
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So it begins,
Misery wins.
It’s not like I didn’t try to fight it.
But it wormed it’s way in,
Made a home in my skin,
And poisoned all the good that I’d been practicing.
Take the reins from my hands,
I can’t navigate my way through this.
I won’t lie,
But I’ll try.
What’s it like there today?
Give me a reason to come back.
Cloud nine’s overcrowded anyway,
But I’ve earned my stay.
Don’t ask me what it’s like to feel good inside.
You might be benign but you metastasize.
And there’s no one to blame this on,
Just me.
I need to take my own advice and breathe slowly.
Don’t think about the way that you feel,
Easier said than done when it’s real.
Let’s rewind the days,
Try pick up the pace.
I didn’t get a response so I’ll ask you again.
Don’t ask me what it’s like to feel good inside.
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3. |
Fault Line
02:53
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Finally I can breathe again,
But I don’t know how long this will last.
Well if the pressure gets too much then I shall let you know.
Can’t hold a conversation,
Can’t help feeling so alone.
What a sad state of affairs,
Living your life on a fault line.
I feel the tremors as they run through me,
With no respite ‘cos the fault’s mine.
How do you escape when you don’t know what you’re running from?
My knots are constantly frayed,
Watch me slowly come undone.
What a sad state of affairs,
To have to ask what it feels like,
To have a cloudless sky above your ahead,
I dare you to trespass in my mind.
This pouring rain,
In a heartbeat I would trade it,
For any kind of physical pain.
In a heartbeat I would trade it,
Even just for a glimpse or a taste,
Of what it’s like to be free.
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4. |
Stabbing Pains
03:05
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I am numb to both the good and bad.
I’m having thoughts that I should never have.
I’ve been searching for what doesn’t exist,
But I’ll flip the switch when I can.
No, I’m not ready for this.
How can you honestly believe,
What goes around comes back again?
I’d like to know the if and when you’ve seen that happen before.
These stabbing pains still take my breath away,
Prognosticate the end.
Karma if you’re listening,
Of what I’m owed,
I am bereft.
This disguise,
It just isn’t working.
There’s no mask that I’d dare to burden.
One day I’ll come to the surface,
For now I’ll settle in an unmade bed,
A metaphor for my head.
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5. |
How Heavily I Breathe
03:52
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Reminisce those days well spent,
To subdue the argument that in your absence the worst always happens.
I’m sure I’ll find my feet again,
But it’s a long, hard walk without them.
Laid to waste by my mistakes,
Now I’m just accustomed to the way they all keep me awake.
I’ll trade my nights for your days.
What’s it like on the right side of dependency?
What’s it like to be free from the pain?
Artificially happy,
Don’t you want the real thing?
Those pills won’t make you better,
They’ll just numb the ache.
I’ve seen this happen before,
When you got carried away.
You went to bed that night hoping you wouldn’t wake up,
But I’m so glad that you did.
And it keeps me awake,
But I’ll trade my nights for your days.
Have you noticed just how heavily I breathe?
Still haven’t put it to rest.
My nervous stomach sweeps me off my feet.
And that’s the last thing that I need,
But on my good will you must feed.
What’s it like on the right side of dependency?
What’s it like to be free from the pain?
I’ll wait and see.
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6. |
Heist
03:07
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This only seems to get worse,
It’s just a matter of when it gets so bad that I compare your cloudless sky to mine.
But it’ll never quench my thirst.
It’s just a matter of when I get so desperate I settle for mine and pray for rain.
It’s happening again.
I’m so cold that I burn.
If I could fathom this out I’d be a better man,
That one you speak of all the time.
Don’t want to be the burden I am,
Don’t want to be the victim of this emotional heist,
But it’s taken my life.
Now all the places I went to escape,
Are just even more places I hate.
And it hurts me to say:
“I admit I’m in pain”,
This is a game I never wanted to play.
My heart wants what it wants,
Constricts and ties me in knots.
There’s not a person I miss more than the person I once was.
My heart wants what it wants,
I feel like I just don’t belong,
I’ll wait impatiently alone for someone to tell me that I’m wrong.
It’s happening again.
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7. |
Bad Behaviour
03:31
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Well I thought that the pressure would get to you,
And I thought I could measure the distance I am from you,
But you’ve tainted the cracks on the pavement.
Being alone is safer.
And I think that with time I could face her,
But don't think I wouldn't dare.
Was it me or depression that broke you down?
Cause I get the impression that it was me somehow,
And I fell to the pressure,
Now I'm breaking down,
But I’d never question you.
What's with the bad behaviour?
I thought being alone was safer,
And I thought that with time I could change her.
Don't think I never cared.
I’d never question you.
What's with the bad behaviour?
I failed but maybe you can change her.
I’d never question you.
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8. |
For Those Who Fear Death
04:17
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Who’s in charge now?
It seems that Karma’s not around.
Either that or he’s forgotten about me.
Well I’ve found out from intuition alone,
It’s a safety net for those who fear death and I can’t believe.
Like a man gone blind,
I’m searching for the colour in life.
So far I’ve found nothing,
The whites and the greys bleed me dry.
But I’ll survive.
And the sad part is:
I’m as young as I’ll ever be.
The irony is:
All this darkness,
It blinds me.
But the saving grace is:
I know where the door is,
Though I never thought that I’d have to use it.
Can anyone out there foreshadow my pain?
No, I don’t want to watch myself wither away.
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9. |
Hostage
03:57
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I’m wasting energy that I don’t have,
Trying to reinstall my faith,
In a life that never seemed so plain.
Well can I ask:
Just how long will it take before the sun kidnaps the waves?
It holds me hostage to this day.
(No one to pay the ransom).
My mother,
She believes that there’s a reason for everything.
Well what’s the reason I’m this way?
So I talk to myself,
Because there’s nobody else.
I guarantee that I’ll destroy myself,
But it’s out of my control.
Still wasting energy that I don’t have,
Trying to reignite this flame,
But the embers just don’t want to play,
No not today.
And just how long will it take for all the fog to separate?
I can’t seem to clear the way.
(A sadness I can’t fathom).
I have a tendency to break every promise to myself,
This time I’ll make sure I don’t cave,
Won’t be another regression.
Did I make a mistake in a past life?
I’m afraid that’s the reason that I’m stained.
Did I make a mistake?
I must have made a mistake.
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10. |
Agnostic
04:14
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If I ever learn to smile,
I’ll wield it like a weapon.
Clutch it with both hands,
And prevail this Armageddon.
But if I don’t,
Then just like the moon shines with borrowed light,
I’ll try to forge one,
And I’ll just hope that it sits right.
And you can starve me my whole life,
But I will always close my eyes,
And think of better days behind that I left,
That I’m still trying to find.
Get in my head,
Torment me.
It was your plan all along,
Now I’m pensive.
Get in my head,
Torment me.
You were right all along,
I’m pensive.
I won’t stand in their line,
‘Cos I don’t believe in heaven.
But begrudgingly I stand,
As they all desperately try to get in.
But what’s so good about being around forever in the safe and sound?
You can’t honestly feel alive when you reside in a place where sadness isn’t allowed.
I just simply don’t believe in anything that I can’t see,
And you’ve never done anything for me.
Karma if you’re listening,
I’d just like to remind you that you still owe me a lifetime of happiness.
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11. |
Third Person
04:54
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I always talk about myself in the third person,
So I don’t have to take responsibility for who he is.
How he did he sink so low?
When did he lose control?
He doesn’t recognise the pictures,
Although he shares all of the same features.
I guess what threw him off was the smile.
What a tragedy
It would be,
To be a stranger to your own family.
Well that’s his reality.
How he did he sink so low?
Deeper and deeper.
When did he lose control?
Deeper and deeper.
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Rude Records Milan, Italy
Independent Record Label.
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